Viral Marketing…

is the worst idea ever. In a cab going to a clients today I saw a ‘grassroots womens protest’ at Herald Square about.. get this.. mens shaving stubble. Their banners read “we wont shave unless you do”. Obviously some Gillete or whomevers idea of a good ad campaign. Execpt all of the women were way too attractive, way to under-enthused, and there was a 2 to 1 photographer and cameraman to protester ratio. As I looked out of my window going past the ad, all I could think of was how much I want to stab whoever came up with that in the face.

Which brings me to Bill Hicks who said something quite apropos:

“By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing… kill yourself. No, no, no it’s just a little thought. I’m just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they’ll take root – I don’t know. You try, you do what you can. Kill yourself. Seriously though, if you are, do. Aaah, no really, there’s no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan’s little helpers, Okay – kill yourself – seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously.

No this is not a joke, you’re going, “there’s going to be a joke coming,” there’s no fucking joke coming. You are Satan’s spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself. It’s the only way to save your fucking soul, kill yourself. Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going, “he’s doing a joke”… there’s no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fucking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a friend – I don’t care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fucking machinations. I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too, “Oh, you know what Bill’s doing, he’s going for that anti-marketing dollar. That’s a good market, he’s very smart.” Oh man, I am not doing that. You fucking evil scumbags! “Ooh, you know what Bill’s doing now, he’s going for the righteous indignation dollar. That’s a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We’ve done research – huge market. He’s doing a good thing.” Godammit, I’m not doing that, you scum-bags! Quit putting a godamm dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet!

“Ooh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill’s very bright to do that.” God, I’m just caught in a fucking web! “Ooh the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market – look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar…” How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fucking babies at night, don’t you?”

Why do all the good ones have to go early? Dont know who Bill Hicks is? Watch this documentary about him, which contains that wonderful little bit. Bill Hicks: Its Just a Ride

One Response to “Viral Marketing…”

  1. Tones Says:


    (says the one who’s been buidling viral marketing campaigns for the past three years. scuse me while i go look for a worthy tailpipe.)